Always
by sooyoungfangirl
Summary: Coulson and May were together before the "Berserker staff incident". Hints of Mayward and Philinda


**Its pretty obvious that Philinda/Mayson/Coulvary is my OTP and I would love for them to just get together, but I needed to get this idea out of my head. And just get away from the usual fluff storylines I usually think of. Hope you enjoy reading :) As always reviews are highly encouraged :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. **

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They weren't together, unless you consider a one night stand being a couple. So Coulson couldn't really blame her for being with Ward, but it still stung. She wasn't cheating on him or anything but why did it feel like it? He knows there was an unspoken agreement that it was just sex with no strings attached. They were just 2 colleagues that sought comfort in each other. Well mostly him, trying to get some comfort, some sense of familiarity. It was the night when his test results back, showing he was perfectly normal but he still felt different and May was there to reassure him that maybe being different is fine. After a few drinks, things happened. And the morning after wasn't really awkward because May was already gone.

They continued to work normally and they both acted like it never happened at all. But after the Berserker staff incident, he wanted to be there for her, since he already knew the rage that the staff could cause. What he didn't expect was for her to leave her door open for Ward. He understood, since they both held the staff, they would know what the other is going through. But as Ward stepped into May' room. He felt crushed, disappointed and maybe even hurt. If he was honest with himself he would say that he actually had feelings for May. Which would make the situation worse for everyone, so he just decided to let the two have their time together, because surely it would be just like May had with him right? A drunken one-night stand with a colleague?

She knows he saw them. He saw her leave her door open for Ward, and him following her in. She can't help but feel a bit guilty. He was probably going to offer her some comfort, but her decision to offer Ward a drink might've been the reason he didn't go through with it. But she wanted him too. Yes, Melinda May actually wanted to be with Phil Coulson.

After that night with him, she felt something for him again. That spark, she only ever experienced that with him. But she knew emotional attachments were a weakness. She should've learned that lesson after Bahrain. So, she asked Ward instead, because she knows that what she feels for Coulson, she can never have with Ward. She didn't really expect for her to actually sleep with Ward, but that's what happened. And she felt a pang of regret coming already. So at 4 am in the morning, she slipped out of Ward's embrace, put on her clothes and went to Coulson's room. What she saw shocked her. "Phil…"

He didn't really mean to. He didn't think he actually felt that much rage. And he didn't even need to touch the freaking staff to feel it, but he managed to destroy his hotel room. He knew this would take some effort to cover up from Director Fury, but he's done it plenty of times before. "Phil…" He heard her voice. Maybe he really had too much to drink. Who was he kidding? He almost finished two bottles of scotch all by himself, destroyed almost all the furniture in his room, and maybe broke a few bones in his hand in the process. Even so, he continued to drinking, because the woman he loves is currently sleeping with someone else in the room a few doors down.

Yes, he admits it. He really does love Agent Melinda May. Then he felt it. A weight on his shoulder, a woman's hand. He slowly lifted his head and saw her with pain in her eyes. "Phil, please talk to me." She sat down next to him on the couch. She noticed his left hand was covered with blood because of his injuries. "What happened?"

"I punched a wall. And maybe a few other things." He laughed silently.

"I'll go get a first-aid kit." She stood up quickly, only to be stopped by Coulson, who held her wrist.

"No, stay. Please Melinda." He looked at her pleadingly.

"At least let me clean it." He nodded, seeing that it was a compromise. She got a wet wash cloth in his bathroom, then sat next to him on the couch.

"You sure can be an idiot sometimes Phil. What got into you and caused you to break almost everything in your room?" She probably knew the answer to her own question, but she didn't want to believe that she was the reason for him losing his composure. Even if it was in the privacy of a hotel room.

He only smiled at her, and he figured that this was the time to be honest with her and to himself. "The woman I love is with somebody else right now." She paused at wiping his hand with the cloth for a moment but then continued. "I don't blame her though he understands what they both went through today, so he can probably comfort her better than I can. He is younger, some say more handsome than I am and maybe more physically fit but…"

"Phil, stop please. Just, stop." She said calmly, as she finished wiping away the blood in his hand. Then she spoke and held his damaged hand. "I can't do this. We both can't. You know that's not why I slept with him. You of all people should know me better than that." She stared at him for a moment, then continued. "I slept with Ward, because he was easy, and I needed that tonight. I feel too much for you Coulson. And as much as I hate to admit it, I love you too Phil Coulson. I probably always will. But right now, with this job and the hell we both went through, I know I can't be with you." She looked at him, looked in his eyes, and saw different emotions being displayed. Happiness, sadness, hurt, disappointment and just understanding.

He now held the side of her face with his free hand and just looked at her lovingly. "I know Melinda. I know we both have our own problems, and it will take a long time to get through all of that, but right now let me do this at least one more time."

He was still smiling lovingly at her. She saw that he was leaning closer, and now both his hands are on the sides of her face. So she just closed her eyes, then she felt his lips on hers. Gentle at first, then the kiss got a little more passionate. Both were trying to convey their feelings into that one kiss. Coulson pulled her closer to him, since it will be a long time before he gets to kiss her again. May grabbed his neck and her hands went through his hair, wanting to cherish the moment with him. But eventually they both pulled away. Both breathless, foreheads touching and still holding on to one another. "I love you Phil, don't ever doubt that." With that she kissed his forehead then left his room. "I love you too Melinda. Always.


End file.
